Hey everyone my name is Jessica!
I go by Jess_ee_kay_losesitxoxo on Instagram, look me up and say hello! :)
I am a single mother of a 7 year old spitfire. She's my world and the reason I do what I do day in and day out.
Baring it all has never come easily for me but I want everyone to know my story. I want everyone struggling with PCOS and IR to know that there is a way out of the weight gain and feelings of hopelessness. I've been both on the unhealthy side and the healthy side of the PCOS and IR line since I was diagnosed 9 years ago. I know that it is harder to lose weight and maintain weight, and I've used my PCOS and IR as an excuse for years. No more excuses though! It is not impossible and I am here to help you every step of the way!!
Here's my story:
In 2006 I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and IR (insulin resistance). I gained weight very quickly and found myself spiraling downward to what I thought would be a life of obesity. They put me on Metfomrin and I ended up getting pregnant and having my daughter in 2007. After I had my daughter the weight just continued to accumulate. I would yo-yo diet, lose a few pounds, and then gain it all right back plus some. It was a very unhealthy time in my life.
In 2009 I got divorced. I ate my feelings. So much so that I see photos of myself over the years and barely recognize the girl in the photos! I reached my heaviest in 2011. I was 230ish pounds and 5'3" tall. I was not healthy, I was not active and something needed to change. Unfortunately it would be almost another year before I decided to do something about my weight.
In 2012 I decided to take control. I started working out at home and I LOVED it. I fell in love with a better life style. I was the healthiest I have ever been and lost 60+ pounds in the process!
In the fall of 2013 I went through some big changes in my life and ended up moving back across the country and back in with my mom. Here I was almost 30 years old and having to move me and my daughter back in with my mom. I started feeling sorry for myself and eating my feelings and gained back almost everything that I had lost the previous 12 months.
So here I am January of 2015, starting over and that's ok. We are all human, we will stumble, trip and fall. We just have to get back up and keep going. Am I happy that I let myself gain the weight back? No. Am I going to let gaining it back stop me from losing it again? No. I am going to move forward, and not look back!
I decided it was time once and for all to stop using my PCOS and IR as an excuse for being overweight and unhealthy. I know that I can help to reverse my IR and control my PCOS through a healthy life style and diet and I am here to help others struggling do the same! I am not in the middle or maintenance stage of my journey, but at the beginning and I am here to work your journey with you every step of the way! Notice I said work your journey. Because it will be work, but it will be worth all of the hard work when you get your freedom back, your confidence back and your health back! Together we can take control of our bodies and minds and become healthier and happier!
Friday, February 6, 2015
Friday, July 12, 2013
Who Knew??
That baking bread could be so much fun!
Around our house these days we are on a journey for a more simple life. One where we spend more time outdoors, enjoying the beauty that God has surrounded us with. One where we will be providing for ourselves by raising animals, hunting and fishing (Bug is a big fan of fishing, makes me happy) and gardening. I've been growing some herbs and veggies this year, but that's a post for a different day.
Today I'm going to talk about bread....yummy homemade bread.
Instead of buying bread, I make bread. Once a week I make two loaves of bread. Not only does it taste 100 times better than any store bought bread, it fills you up and leaves you feeling full. Whatever doesn't get consumed by the end of the week gets turned into breadcrumbs and frozen. We will never have to buy breadcrumbs again, and these ones are better tasting than any breadcrumbs I've ever bought from a grocery store.
My first bread baking experience was an absolute dream of perfection, disaster, it was dense. Like a brick. Not to mention, I'm a klutz in the kitchen. I spill things, our kitchen looks like something has exploded in it when I'm done. I've dirtied every bowl, dish, cup and pan we own, I burn myself almost every time I turn on the stove or oven and not everything I make is cooked to perfection. In fact, the last loaves of bread I made just this week, although edible, have what I am calling flour swirl surprises because I didn't mix the dough as well as I should have.
You know what though? It's ok. It's a learning experience and each time I make bread, it gets better. Now if only I had Dobby the house elf (if only I wasn't a mere muggle, and could go steal him from the Hogwarts kitchen) to do my dishes. I hate doing dishes!
Growing up I never really learned how to cook from scratch. My mom was a hard worker and worked hard to provide for my brothers, sister and me. It didn't leave much time for baking and cooking. Although she did teach me how to read a recipe, so I can usually suffer through figuring out how to cook. Thanks mom :)
I've been using our new KitchenAid mixer to mix the bread dough. It works wonders. I would love to be able to knead a good dough by hand, so I've been practicing my kneading when I make flour tortillas or pie crusts and will attempt bread again in the near future. For now I use the KitchenAid. I love to watch the dough form, in fact I never knew I'd enjoying baking so much. The way the dough forms, then rises, the fun of rolling it out and then forming it into loaves, watching it rise again, finding the perfect spot in the kitchen where the warmth is best for rising. Not to mention the smell of it baking, and how it lingers in the house for the rest of the day.
I use the bread recipe from the book "The Homemade Pantry" in fact, I use several of the recipes from that book, so you'll see me mention it a lot. It's one of the coolest cookbooks I've ever purchased. Love it.
One of my favorite things about baking our own bread is that it gives me the opportunity to teach Bug (aka the little munchkin of the family) how to bake. I feel better knowing that I'm giving her a life skill that she will be able to carry with her. This saying comes to mind:
I feel it's a more fulfilling feeling to give our children skills and lessons in life that will last them a lifetime rather than getting that fulfillment from giving them the latest tech gadget, because lets face it, the world is full of new electronics and toys...but when they get older, those items are going to be obsolete and the memory of baking bread with mom on a Monday morning, will hopefully last a lifetime.
Until next time....
Around our house these days we are on a journey for a more simple life. One where we spend more time outdoors, enjoying the beauty that God has surrounded us with. One where we will be providing for ourselves by raising animals, hunting and fishing (Bug is a big fan of fishing, makes me happy) and gardening. I've been growing some herbs and veggies this year, but that's a post for a different day.
Today I'm going to talk about bread....yummy homemade bread.
Instead of buying bread, I make bread. Once a week I make two loaves of bread. Not only does it taste 100 times better than any store bought bread, it fills you up and leaves you feeling full. Whatever doesn't get consumed by the end of the week gets turned into breadcrumbs and frozen. We will never have to buy breadcrumbs again, and these ones are better tasting than any breadcrumbs I've ever bought from a grocery store.
My first bread baking experience was a
You know what though? It's ok. It's a learning experience and each time I make bread, it gets better. Now if only I had Dobby the house elf (if only I wasn't a mere muggle, and could go steal him from the Hogwarts kitchen) to do my dishes. I hate doing dishes!
Growing up I never really learned how to cook from scratch. My mom was a hard worker and worked hard to provide for my brothers, sister and me. It didn't leave much time for baking and cooking. Although she did teach me how to read a recipe, so I can usually suffer through figuring out how to cook. Thanks mom :)
I've been using our new KitchenAid mixer to mix the bread dough. It works wonders. I would love to be able to knead a good dough by hand, so I've been practicing my kneading when I make flour tortillas or pie crusts and will attempt bread again in the near future. For now I use the KitchenAid. I love to watch the dough form, in fact I never knew I'd enjoying baking so much. The way the dough forms, then rises, the fun of rolling it out and then forming it into loaves, watching it rise again, finding the perfect spot in the kitchen where the warmth is best for rising. Not to mention the smell of it baking, and how it lingers in the house for the rest of the day.
I use the bread recipe from the book "The Homemade Pantry" in fact, I use several of the recipes from that book, so you'll see me mention it a lot. It's one of the coolest cookbooks I've ever purchased. Love it.
One of my favorite things about baking our own bread is that it gives me the opportunity to teach Bug (aka the little munchkin of the family) how to bake. I feel better knowing that I'm giving her a life skill that she will be able to carry with her. This saying comes to mind:
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; show him how to catch fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.
I feel it's a more fulfilling feeling to give our children skills and lessons in life that will last them a lifetime rather than getting that fulfillment from giving them the latest tech gadget, because lets face it, the world is full of new electronics and toys...but when they get older, those items are going to be obsolete and the memory of baking bread with mom on a Monday morning, will hopefully last a lifetime.
Until next time....
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
"After awhile"
Struck a chord with me....maybe one day I will blog about why, but for today...enjoy this lovely poem.
AFTER A WHILE (Veronica Shoftshall, 1971)
After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept
your defeats
with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
And you learn to build
all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground
is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way
of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn
that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
Then After "after a while" you change and build your hopes again. And pray that maybe this time it will be different. And you hold on to that hope because in the end that's all you really have..
AFTER "AFTER A WHILE"
After 'after a while'
You want to hold a hand not to chain a soul but
to enjoy its company,
and you want someone's lips to kiss,
not because you are lonely but because you are
happy, and you want to give presents
and you want to make promises.
After 'after a while'
You begin to accept your defeats like an adult,
but like a child, will want someone to listen
and care,
and you want someone who will build roads with
you today so maybe you can pave the way for your
future together.
After 'after a while'
You want someone's sunshine and warmth,
but also accept the rain and the cold,
and you want to give flowers picked from your
own garden.
And when your garden is picture perfect,
you want it to be more than a picture
even if it means having to be imperfect
because you want someone in it to stay and to
live.
Then you'll see that there is
such a thing as love...
and that you were made to live in someone else's
garden...
and you'll know that there is more to life than
yourself.
AND NOW...
You realize that no matter how tightly you hold,
if you're meant to let go, you can
And then you will understand that love
gives you reasons to understand
even the most complicated situations
And you will grow older believing that just
because you have convictions
doesn't mean you're always right
You will remember lips because of the smiles
that made your day,
the words that touched your soul, not only
because of the sweet kisses
And as you graciously accept defeat and absorb
the meaning of lessons
learned,
You feel that you are finally being the person
you never thought you'd be
So, armed with courage, strength and confidence,
you will face the world
head on...
With or without an army behind you
Because you know your worth and that alone is an
armore.
After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept
your defeats
with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
And you learn to build
all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground
is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way
of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn
that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
Then After "after a while" you change and build your hopes again. And pray that maybe this time it will be different. And you hold on to that hope because in the end that's all you really have..
AFTER "AFTER A WHILE"
After 'after a while'
You want to hold a hand not to chain a soul but
to enjoy its company,
and you want someone's lips to kiss,
not because you are lonely but because you are
happy, and you want to give presents
and you want to make promises.
After 'after a while'
You begin to accept your defeats like an adult,
but like a child, will want someone to listen
and care,
and you want someone who will build roads with
you today so maybe you can pave the way for your
future together.
After 'after a while'
You want someone's sunshine and warmth,
but also accept the rain and the cold,
and you want to give flowers picked from your
own garden.
And when your garden is picture perfect,
you want it to be more than a picture
even if it means having to be imperfect
because you want someone in it to stay and to
live.
Then you'll see that there is
such a thing as love...
and that you were made to live in someone else's
garden...
and you'll know that there is more to life than
yourself.
AND NOW...
You realize that no matter how tightly you hold,
if you're meant to let go, you can
And then you will understand that love
gives you reasons to understand
even the most complicated situations
And you will grow older believing that just
because you have convictions
doesn't mean you're always right
You will remember lips because of the smiles
that made your day,
the words that touched your soul, not only
because of the sweet kisses
And as you graciously accept defeat and absorb
the meaning of lessons
learned,
You feel that you are finally being the person
you never thought you'd be
So, armed with courage, strength and confidence,
you will face the world
head on...
With or without an army behind you
Because you know your worth and that alone is an
armore.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
The flu...or something like it
We don't do flu shots around here. When Bug was a baby she did get her flu shot but last year and this year we just didn't get it done. I just don't see the point in them. I believe that our bodies can fight most routine illness on it's own and we will be healthier in the long run by letting our immune system do it's job. Last year we escaped the flu, we had other medical problems but the flu didn't make an appearance at our house. This year however....I blame it on preschool haha.
I'm not even sure if it was the flu, it's been years since I've had it, and Bug has never had it. Today, however, she was not feeling so good.
When I picked her up from preschool/daycare yesterday she was the only one there! Now normally this isn't surprising to me because I'm always 5 minutes late picking her up. Alyssa is done at 5 sharp...I'm there at 5:05 sharp...I need to work on that, luckily I literally work a 30 second car ride from her house :) Anyway, yesterday I got there early! Surprised even myself! I was talking to Alyssa, while Bug put her shoes and jacket on and got her school project that they worked on that day (the #7, and a letter but I can't remember which one), and noticed there weren't any other kids parents arriving. I was a little confused and even asked Alyssa if I was later than usual as I double checked the clock, that clearly read 4:45 :) She told me that the other 3 kids had thrown up and had been picked up earlier in the day. She said she hoped Lizzie didn't get sick, and with her weak immune system this past year I was hoping the same. We left and went about our evening, Bug was her normal sassy self, no signs of sickness :)
Fast forward several hours......
I woke up around 6:30am to a text from Alyssa saying that she had the stomach flu so she wasn't going to be taking kids today. Normally that would be a real pain, but luckily I had planned to be out of the office today and out inspecting, Bug could just ride along with me, it'd be a fun day. I fell back asleep and woke up about an hour later to the sound of my poor little girl throwing up :( *insert bragging moment* in the toilet! At least she's got that part down. I can recall 2 maybe 3 times in all of her toddlerhood that I've had to clean throw up off the floor. That girl knows how to get to a bathroom, makes me proud! Anyway, I went in and held her hair back, scratched her back and reassured her til she was done, then we went and climbed in my bed to go back to sleep for another 45 minutes or so....15 minutes later she's running for the bathroom again, so we repeat the whole process.
At this point I'm wondering what in the world I'm going to do about work today, my boss is out of town, the office is in my hands, inspections are due this weekend and have to be done, when I get a text from one of the girls that does inspections for us telling me that she is sick but someone will be bringing her work to me. The other girl that does inspections was going to a different area, it was quite the dilemma. I decided me and Bug had no other option but to go to work. So we got up, got dressed and got in the car to enjoy a day of driving around.
Bug did awesome! We stopped and got a Sprite on the way to help calm her tummy, and she napped or colored the majority of the day. Threw up once, in the bowl I gave her, again proud moment. I cut my 8 hour day down to just the bare necessities and we sped through the work and got home early. Spent the rest of the evening watching movies, coloring, doing puzzles and Bug ended the night doing her favorite thing in the world, taking a bath. She was doing much better this evening, no fever, no throwing up, ate 2 bowls of cereal for dinner and had some juice. She's sleeping soundly and here's to hoping for a good day tomorrow!
I really am blessed to have such an amazing daughter, she's a trooper for sure. I know today probably was not the most fun, especially not her with being sick, but she barely complained. Even though I had to work I think that just being with me for the day helped her feel better. We had a good day and I have the weekend off so we're going to be lazy! Maybe I will get around to posting some pictures of our holidays :)
I'm not even sure if it was the flu, it's been years since I've had it, and Bug has never had it. Today, however, she was not feeling so good.
When I picked her up from preschool/daycare yesterday she was the only one there! Now normally this isn't surprising to me because I'm always 5 minutes late picking her up. Alyssa is done at 5 sharp...I'm there at 5:05 sharp...I need to work on that, luckily I literally work a 30 second car ride from her house :) Anyway, yesterday I got there early! Surprised even myself! I was talking to Alyssa, while Bug put her shoes and jacket on and got her school project that they worked on that day (the #7, and a letter but I can't remember which one), and noticed there weren't any other kids parents arriving. I was a little confused and even asked Alyssa if I was later than usual as I double checked the clock, that clearly read 4:45 :) She told me that the other 3 kids had thrown up and had been picked up earlier in the day. She said she hoped Lizzie didn't get sick, and with her weak immune system this past year I was hoping the same. We left and went about our evening, Bug was her normal sassy self, no signs of sickness :)
Fast forward several hours......
I woke up around 6:30am to a text from Alyssa saying that she had the stomach flu so she wasn't going to be taking kids today. Normally that would be a real pain, but luckily I had planned to be out of the office today and out inspecting, Bug could just ride along with me, it'd be a fun day. I fell back asleep and woke up about an hour later to the sound of my poor little girl throwing up :( *insert bragging moment* in the toilet! At least she's got that part down. I can recall 2 maybe 3 times in all of her toddlerhood that I've had to clean throw up off the floor. That girl knows how to get to a bathroom, makes me proud! Anyway, I went in and held her hair back, scratched her back and reassured her til she was done, then we went and climbed in my bed to go back to sleep for another 45 minutes or so....15 minutes later she's running for the bathroom again, so we repeat the whole process.
At this point I'm wondering what in the world I'm going to do about work today, my boss is out of town, the office is in my hands, inspections are due this weekend and have to be done, when I get a text from one of the girls that does inspections for us telling me that she is sick but someone will be bringing her work to me. The other girl that does inspections was going to a different area, it was quite the dilemma. I decided me and Bug had no other option but to go to work. So we got up, got dressed and got in the car to enjoy a day of driving around.
Bug did awesome! We stopped and got a Sprite on the way to help calm her tummy, and she napped or colored the majority of the day. Threw up once, in the bowl I gave her, again proud moment. I cut my 8 hour day down to just the bare necessities and we sped through the work and got home early. Spent the rest of the evening watching movies, coloring, doing puzzles and Bug ended the night doing her favorite thing in the world, taking a bath. She was doing much better this evening, no fever, no throwing up, ate 2 bowls of cereal for dinner and had some juice. She's sleeping soundly and here's to hoping for a good day tomorrow!
I really am blessed to have such an amazing daughter, she's a trooper for sure. I know today probably was not the most fun, especially not her with being sick, but she barely complained. Even though I had to work I think that just being with me for the day helped her feel better. We had a good day and I have the weekend off so we're going to be lazy! Maybe I will get around to posting some pictures of our holidays :)
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Charlotte's Web
Bug has a great love for reading, we read a story every night before she goes to bed. It makes me so happy because I love to read. So last night we were looking through her books and she picked Charlotte's Web. She picked it because of the spider on the cover, silly girl. For a brief minute she had a pet spider. She found it alive in one of those clear plastic totes and decided it was her new pet. So she put a lid on it and sat it on our kitchen table where it stayed for a couple of days. She'd go look at it, and make sure it was still alive and sing to it and talk to it. She would show it to my mom and sister every time they came over. She's got quite the imagination.
Anyway, we started reading Charlotte's Web last night, and again tonight. We're reading a chapter a night and then talking about what we read. She's loving it, and so am I. She really wants to get to the spider part though, again silly girl. Tonight after we read our chapter she told me we had to keep reading til we got to the spider part. I told her she had to be patient and we would get to that part soon, we had to read the book from the beginning. She looked at me and in all seriousness said to me "you need to be patient and read til we get to that spider part tonight" I just started laughing, and she started laughing. Then we snuggled for a minute and it was time for bed.
I just went and checked in on her and she's sound asleep holding on to her Charlotte's Web book and has about 6 more books in bed with her. Little stinker got out of bed and got more books!
This Christmas season is a hard one financially for us, as well as for many others I am sure. I have been focusing on telling her that all we need is each other, lots of love and lots of laughter. I've been telling her how Christmas is about Jesus's birth, she now is telling me she needs to throw a birthday party, again, such an imagination. She's actually been really understanding. It breaks my heart not to be able to get her new toys, clothes, or anything else she might really want for Christmas, but sitting here while the house is quiet and reflecting on this past few months, as trying as they have been, I have a new outlook on my life. We may not have expensive clothes, new toys, etc...but we have each other and a family that is supportive and loves us. We have laughter and joy. We have a roof over our head and heat. It really is the small things that make life full and rewarding.
I'm really looking forward to the coming weeks as I get to read one of my childhood favorites to bug, to snuggle with her and laugh with her. I'm so thankful for being able to have a job that allows me to be home with her in the evenings and on weekends now. We have each other and this Christmas that is all we really need.
In case I don't have the chance to post again before Christmas, I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas weekend full of love and laughter!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
The thought process behind the title
Perfectly Imperfect and Ok with it!
I've decided once again to start blogging. I've been feeling lately as if I need a creative outlet, I haven't been doing much except for working and taking care of Bug. It seems as if the past 6 months have been beyond chaotic so I have decided to keep a blog. I can't promise updates every day, or every week. What I will promise though is that I am going to be posting the good, the bad, and more of the good. I don't want this blog to be a place where I sugar coat everything and pretend like life is a waltz in a flower filled meadow, but I also don't want it to be a place where negativity finds a home. I'm not perfect, Bug isn't perfect, but I'm ok with that. My house is messy sometimes, but it's lived in. My kitchen has frosting/sprinkles on the counter right now, but it's signs of the heart shaped cake I baked for Bug and I, to which she responded, "Lets write: We love eachother so much! on it".
We aren't perfect here, but we are growing and learning on a daily basis, loving life while we learn. Welcome to my blog!
I've decided once again to start blogging. I've been feeling lately as if I need a creative outlet, I haven't been doing much except for working and taking care of Bug. It seems as if the past 6 months have been beyond chaotic so I have decided to keep a blog. I can't promise updates every day, or every week. What I will promise though is that I am going to be posting the good, the bad, and more of the good. I don't want this blog to be a place where I sugar coat everything and pretend like life is a waltz in a flower filled meadow, but I also don't want it to be a place where negativity finds a home. I'm not perfect, Bug isn't perfect, but I'm ok with that. My house is messy sometimes, but it's lived in. My kitchen has frosting/sprinkles on the counter right now, but it's signs of the heart shaped cake I baked for Bug and I, to which she responded, "Lets write: We love eachother so much! on it".
We aren't perfect here, but we are growing and learning on a daily basis, loving life while we learn. Welcome to my blog!
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